Relationships/Loving those who hurt you.


This is a topic in which we all can identify with. We all have been hurt by someone who we love or was supposed to love us.

Several years ago, I shared how me, and my sister’s relationship became estranged after the passing of our mother. Without going into all the details, I will say this. Me and my sister where close we did everything together. We had our own friends as small kids in the neighborhood, but our parents taught us to be each other best friends.

I prayed to God asking God to bring my sisters back together. But I knew I could not force it. What I mean is this, there were times I would call, and I could tell that the air was not as comfortable as I would have liked. That is when I knew they were not ready. Over a period, the Lord brought us back together, but the relationship was different.

With my baby sister it was much easier with her then it was with my middle sister my baby sister asked for forgiveness and said that she wanted us to act like sister again. That was the best news I knew that there was hope for us too. We do not let the pass be a part of our conversation. What happen in the past stays in the past.

Now I know some people will say you need to talk about the past but talking about the past for us will not mend a relationship, once you forgive a person to me there is really no need to talk about that pass.

My relationship with my middle sister on the other hand is totally different her and I tried to make it work, we would talk on phone and text, matter of fact she texts me every morning. And I thought things where great until one day I told her about a matter that I was facing, knew at that moment something just felt weird in her voice. She immediately said sis I have to go and ended the conversation.

The next day I got an text message from her where she had rehashed all these old feelings of my wrongs I had done. Talk about being hurt all over again. I cried to my husband like a baby, and I told him I will not do this any longer with her. I love myself to much to allow her to steal my peace. So, after a day or two I informed my sister again of how much I love her and that I had asked her long ago for forgiveness and that I had forgiven her. But I refuse to let you continue to make me pay for whatever it is that you obviously have not forgiven me.

You may ask are we still speaking? I have to say no we have not spoken since that day. I will always love and be there for her. I have left her in God’s hands, and I pray for her that she will be healed from whatever she is holding on it. But I cannot allow her to harbor those unhealthy memories to hold me a hostage any longer.

Having these boundaries in place is not what I wanted I wanted the relationship to be what it was when we were kids and teenagers. But since we cannot have that I must have healthy boundaries.

Relationships are hard that I will not deny. It requires work. But when one of the parties is not willing, I cannot make them. Do I believe that one day she will change? In all honesty I do not know, only God knows. So, until that day I will continue to pray for her and continue to build with the relationship I still have with my baby sister.




16 Comments Add yours

  1. Gina Decker says:

    Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. I, too, have a sister who I love, but we don’t talk anymore because she blames me for several things not based on facts. I think if she ever was open to talking, we could clear things up, but she doesn’t respond. She just harbors resentment. We were best friends in high school, but we had a falling out before my dad died. I know that she’s gone through devastating grief, and I realize she may be angry about things that I can’t control, but I hope and pray that as I grow and understand how I can forgive without bringing on more hurt, things will be okay.

  2. desirayl says:

    Gina, thanks for sharing your story. What is it about sisters? We have that strong bond and at the same time we act like strangers.

    What I do know is that we must leave our loved ones in God’s hands. He is the only one who can change us.

    I will add your sister to my prayer list. Have a bless day in the Lord. 🙏

  3. Thank you for your openness. (((((Desiray))))) May the Lord shine upon you. ❤️ sending love, sis ❤️

  4. hope says:

    Your story really blessed me. Thank you for your transparency and openness. ❤️

  5. desirayl says:

    Thank you, Donna. It’s never easy putting yourself out there. One of the things I have learned that putting myself out by sharing my stories is helping someone else. For it is never about me but the person in whom I will meet that will be coming down the same road I experienced.

    Have a bless day my lady. 🤗🤗🤗

  6. desirayl says:

    Afternoon Hope, aw thank you so much. God is so good! Have a bless day my friend. 🙏

  7. hope says:

    You too! Please know your experience has been an encouragement to me. Thank you. God bless and keep you and your family.

  8. You are such a blessing, Desi. You have my utmost respect! 🤗👏👏🤗

  9. desirayl says:

    Aw, Wendy thank you for the compliment. 🤗🤗 hugs coming your way sis.

  10. You are a Gem my friend! 💎

  11. Dawn says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is helpful. ❤️

  12. desirayl says:

    Afternoon Dawn, thank you for taking the time to read it. 💗

  13. gwennonr says:

    Desiray, this is the only post in my memory where I have found myself disagreeing with you. On the one hand, I’m thankful you are willing and able to leave your sister in God’s capable hands. On the other, I’m thinking that perhaps the reason that your sister has continued to harp on you over old resentments is that she feels that you are not hearing or cherishing her heart. People who feel unheard tend to repeat themselves. A bunch. I’m not saying you must be in the wrong here. Just that maybe you might approach this from a different angle? Not knowing the facts, and understanding that your sister might actually be interested only in using you as a punching bag for her accumulated sorrows, I’m not meaning to say that you MUST change your approach. Only that praying about a different method might not be a bad idea. If all your sister wants is to abuse you, then of course you have to distance yourself for your own safety and peace of mind.

    I’m so sorry that you are having to go through that.

    I’m asking God to remind me to pray for you. Often you have been in my thankful prayers in the past because you truly have a wonderful message to share and a great heart for Jesus and people.

    May God bless you!



  14. desirayl says:

    Morning Qwennon, I so do appreciate your words. I have tried that numerous of times with her and I thought things were fine between us, but this is something that has been going on with her and I for years and I just had to say no more. I can’t do it. It hurt too much. Why she holds on to stuff I will never know. She tells me all the time I have forgiven you and I believe her. Then all of a sudden, she will bring all the wrong up that I did.

    Leaving her in God’s hands is the best thing for her and our relationship. I do believe that God is going to turn it all around.

    As always it is so nice to see and hear from you.

    May God bless you! ;🙏

  15. gwennonr says:

    We will keep on praying for each other. Sounds like you have taken the only road to sanity here. God bless you!

  16. desirayl says:

    Bless you as well. Always keep the prayers coming. 🙏

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